Wow Wow.

Ahhh... another great morning. On most of the days I wake up to the sound of opening of gate of XYZji’s house, except, when one of my mates gives a call for me. XYZji, I must tell you, is a very punctual person and he goes to buy milk every morning. So after he returns I eagerly wait outside to get my share.

Ya ya ya... How can I talk, right??? Let’s not get into the details right now. I have got many things to say aka bark about.

My next source of food is THE GARBAGE GUY. I don’t leave an opportunity to snatch a packet or two from the bugger’s cart while he is making rounds to your houses. It is one REAL mission impossible task for me and I do it every day... Huhh and look at you lesser mortals, you make movies inspired from us. So, who’s the Don now.. hmmm?

After successfully accomplishing the..the...Hey I hope you don’t expect me to remember the sequence number of the mission now as I do it on the daily basis.

After the breakfast I spend my time counting the number of cars and bikes crossing my colony gate. Helllooo..I don’t do it to increase my QUANT level, rather I have nobler cause behind it. After matching the daily count I secretly vigil for any extra vehicle leaving or entering the colony. It’s your mistake that each time you pray that the police would catch the thieves and I seriously think that police is hand-in-glove (YES I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS) with the thieves because they would interrogate every other person but ME. And why should I volunteer to give answers, after all, I need neither your praises nor your reward money.

Afternoons are usually somnolent (AGAIN..You know what I mean). Generally, during summers I would submerge myself into the luxury of some cool drain and in winters I prefer to go for a sun bath.

I must tell you that I hate your kids. They are a complete mess. In the evening I have to find a suitable hideout, possibly under a car, just to escape from their eve-teasing. It’s just that they are your kid that is why I keep some regard else I would have given them a strong bite onto their buttocks by now.

Before proceeding further I want to put up a question to you, "Why do you people sometimes use my caste to call each other?" I fail to find an answer for it. What is the matter, come-on, say it.

Coming back to the topic, I even go for a stroll in the evenings sometime. A couple of days back I met her...Ummm... I don’t remember her name now. You see, we are basically into a live-in kind of relation with our spouses and that too for a few hours only, so that doesn’t give much time to know about each other and moreover, with frequent change over it is hard to remember everyone’s name. I think this is a boon as well as a bane for us. We never really FALL IN, what you common people call, LOVE and then certainly there is no FALL OUT as well. Though, one thing which I find common in both of our communities is that even we have a fierce battle over a common goal.

As a dark sheet, with tiny pores and one pore which keeps changing its shape, envelopes the light above, I realize that it’s time to show presence at XYZji’s door again. You people sit down to have your last meal of the day and I never miss out on its share. Usually, I get some crumpled pieces of bread dipped in milk and sometimes I even get to devour upon flesh (I DON'T MEAN THAT NOW) and bones.

After you guys go to sleep, it is the moment of “This is our TIME” for MY community. I play with my peers, make loud noises to tease you people or find a paper/ polythene to tear it to pieces again and again. At times I get lucky enough to find a garbage pack outside someone’s home and that makes for a bonus over the meal and a decoration material for the road as well. In the end, I climb on one of your cars, which make very comfortable bedding for me.

Well that’s it, you, too many in numbers, people. Signing off now, Wow Wow.

NOID(E)A !??@#$*&

I write this post to mark my 1^st anniversary of working in NOIDA. Over the past 12 months I have realized that each day is in some sense similar to many people working across different offices here. I wish to touch the lives of almost of all the people working here:

A no. of people wake up at the thought of…. WTF aaj bhi office… huh.

B no. of people would leave for office without taking a bath because they are already late.

C no. of people would shower their anger over the fellow riders, even pedestrians at times.

D no. of people would swipe Metro Card to finally get down at City Center Metro Station.

E no. of people would find it hard to park their car near office.

F no. of people would mark their Presence (just a smile to the Lead is enough… no matter where you catch him/her) and leave for an hour or so…. to have breakfast.

G no. of people would check news or browse anything for that matter (as to do a BONNIE for the day, you know just a little warm-up for the fingers and eyes) before getting down to work.

H no. of people, leads or managers in particular, would ask: “Ha bhai, Tum kya kar rahe ho aaj?”.

I no. of people would answer that question stammering: “Sir, woh kaam… mila tha….” and thinking: Shit, saale ne subah- subah hi pakad lia.

J no. of guys would ping J+X no. of girls asking her for a coffee.

K (K=J, is highly probable) no. of guys would suffer a heart ache because of the negative reply for the above question.

2^L no. of guys would suffer a heart ache because of the positive reply to one guy.

M no. of guys would announce their marriage.

N (N>>M) no. of girls would announce THEIR marriage.

O no. of people would drop a mail: “Sweets at my Desk…”.

P no. of people, after having sweets and saying Congratulations :)), would wonder about the reason for the sweets.

Q no. of people would think that nobody does the same amount of work as they do.

R no. of people would think: “I will leave this job forever….. Someday !??**%$@&” :P

X<----->Y

We all must have seen a couple in which one of the persons has looks to beat any popular star while the other person is of no match what so ever in terms of what-meets-the-eye.

And then quite normally we question ourselves as to what the hell did the former see in the later. I have come to a conclusion in this matter.

You see the person, let’s call X, with decent enough looks, would hardly ever go out-right in wooing somebody. There is this one personal thing called ego which gets fired up every morning when he/she looks into the mirror and quite often compliments himself/herself. So, an innate desire sprouts up that somebody should heed to his/her personality.

Now, there is the other person, let’s call Y, who is quite aware of the fact that he/she doesn’t stand near X and would have no answer to it but being goody-goody to him/her. So, Y would then take a shot at X, thinking that he/she has nothing to lose, and go about being friends with X and then flattering him/her with his/her nice behavior.

What happens now is purely on how the chemistry builds up. If Y, by shredding his/her ego, satiates the ego of X, then, bingo, the shot is on target. This is an ideal symbiotic relationship.

X has the satisfaction that he/she got recognized by such a wonderful person as in Y and on the other hand Y has the satisfaction that he/she was worthy enough to win over someone as good as X.

P.S:

I may be wrong. Do correct me, if you feel like.

No offenses to anybody.

Dhappa!!

All of us are aware of this word. Chupan-Chupai (Hide & Seek) is one game which all of us would have played in our childhood. Now as we have grown up, almost none of us play it anymore, so the two words DHAPPA & ISPIES have got erased from our dictionary.

But during my college days, I realized that DHAPPA could still be very much used to describe some freaking situations.

Let me give you certain instances.

Scene 1:

I was in physics lab of my college and waiting for the teacher to arrive. As usual everyone was busy talking and there was considerable amount of noise in the lab.

I was ambling around and then I noticed that our teacher was walking towards the lab so to calm everyone down I shouted "A Gaya Oye A Gaya". Moments later the teacher entered and shouted looking at me " Haan A gaya Main".

Now this is called DHAPPA.

As the cliché goes, the rest is all History, so lets not discuss my grades in physics :P.

Scene 2:

I was standing with 5-6 friends near canteen and we all were enjoying verbal volleys between two of our friends.

As usual the flow of abusive language was on full blow. Suddenly, a hand taps my shoulder and......"All of you give me your ID Cards"….. DHAPPA.

A professor well known for his atrocities against students caught us red handed. We could have said that we were not involved but we were warned by our seniors "Never Ever Argue with HIM".

More than anything else, we all were feeling ashamed of the fact that we were just 2 months old into our college life and to sit at home after getting rusticated would bring much amount of scolding from our families.

However, professor succumbed to 6 pair of folded hands and 12 pleading eyes.

Scene 3:

This one is from my school days. Its a nasty one :P.

I was in 3rd class and I was getting my Math Copy checked. My teacher saw a couple of mistakes and after checking banged the copy on my head......Well it doesn't end here. Rather it gets started now.

As I picked up my copy and started to walk towards my bench I mumbled "Moti kahi ki"...... I still find it hard to swallow the fact that she actually heard me and I still remember the itchy feeling on my cheeks after getting a couple of shots.

This is called BAD Timings or DHAPPA per say.

Scene 4:

One fine evening, I went out with my family to have dinner. After the dinner we came out but my brother was no where around us. We all kept waiting for him for about 10-15 minutes. And then I saw him standing at a nearby Ice Cream shop just across the road. I quickly crossed the road in anger and pulled his shirt from behind saying "Yaha kyu khada....(DHAPPA)... Sorry, I thought ki mera bhai hai".

Well..well..well, he was just another boy with just the same shirt as my brother was wearing that night.

Scene 5:

Yesterday one of my friends called me over to his college’s fresher party. He is into second year of MBA and being senior he assured that he will carve out everything for me. I readily agreed as who would not like to have good food, good booze, good DJ free-of-cost.

It all started very fine till I went over to get a refill in my glass just when my school-time classmate bumped into me. At first I pretended as if we were complete strangers and hurriedly looked to make my way through the crowd but then she caught the better of me. She shouted at full pitch of her voice “ Arre tu yaha kasie. Main toh aaj pehli baar dekh rahi hu tujhe. Konse batch mein hai tu.”..…DHAPPA….. I actually used some other words instead which won’t be proper to write here.

There went down all the winged-feeling. I somehow stammered my way out of her intimidating questionnaire and the ill-fated party.

Finally, here I am, writing some of my DHAPPA moments so far, thereby completing my post which was pending since a long time for the want of one more such instance.

I hope that through this post I’ll be able to add another word to your current vocabulary :P.

एक ख्याल ||

मुझे एक ख्याल आया
कि जो न मेरे पास दिल होता
तो क्या मैं ज़्यादा सुखी होता ||

जब न कुछ मुझको अच्छा लगता
और न कुछ मुझको बुरा लगता,
तब न कोई मुझको डर होता
कुछ खोने का या पाने का ||

जब न कोई मुझको आस होती
और न कोई मुझको तलाश होती
एक ऐसा पल ढूंडने की
जिस मे दिल को खुशी होती ||

और फिर न कोई जुस्तजू होती
किसी दूसरे से आगे निकलने की
ना कोई ईर्षा न कोई दवे्श
ना कोई बैर न कोई भेद ||

जब न कोई मुझको अच्छा लगता
और न कोई मुझको बुरा लगता
तब कोई कुछ कहता कोई कुछ सुनता
मुझको ना कुछ फरक पङता |

ना मुझे कोई शिकवा होती
ना कोई मुझको गिला होती
बस मैं खुद ही मे खुद होता
और अपने मे मैं खुश होता ||

Fleeting….

“Why do I fall in love

with every woman I see...

who shows me

the least bit of attention?”

Well, this is a dialogue from a movie, and it struck me so hard literally that I went into awe with myself.

I don’t know whether it is applicable to any other person or not but one thing is for

Sure, I stand accused by that statement as I think this is not what LOVE is all about.

Thus, I find myself incapable of LOVE.

There is one more peculiar thing about myself. So far, at any point of time in my life, I have never been able to choose a particular Girl as to which I want to get hitched with. It has always been a confused state between two-three girls.

I spend days and nights, figuring out as to who would be better as a life partner for me (though I know that I over estimate my capabilities of winning over somebody during such times) and try really hard to make up my mind so that I don't wander anymore.

And then, after a fair amount of juggling, I give it up, thinking that LOVE ain't cup of my tea.

You see, at such times I really fret over the fact of being an agnostic person. One doesn't have anything to rely on, like to get some kind of hope only, that this one aspect of my life would be taken care by some super being. I would wish to seek some divine intervention to send a cupid for hitting me and the chosen one for me with some arrow so that it all happens by itself.

At a personnel front it seems to be one hell of a task as to first you get into friendship with a girl and then you start going around with her and then one fine day when you decide to tie a knot, you open your heart in front of her, Oh god!! This would take months if not years to get to the destination.... I hate this slow pace of life, but can't help it folks.

All that then remains is a fleeting feeling of getting bonded with my love.

534.

It is the bus number, which I choose to be a driver for.

Although I feel a bit embarrassed but this is something which I had often thought about given the fact that I have been traveling by DTC buses since my school days. They are the prized catch for any one possessing a bus pass.

I would often dwell into the finer aspects of being a bus driver, as to which route would I love to drive on.

I kept 3-4 options like 542 (Seemapuri to Hauz Khaz), 534 (Anand Vihar to Mehrauli), 543 (Anand Vihar to Safdarjung), Outer Mudrika....After a considerable amount of brain storming I chose 534 because it was the bus I traveled through the most since it goes to my college. More so I loved its route as it passes through Patparganj, Yamuna Bridge, New Friends Colony, Saket etc.

As a child I developed a liking for some of these places and even dreamt about living somewhere in one of these places (barring the bridge).

I love driving but driving a bus, I thought was a much more exciting task. I thought that it was the most enjoyable job as one can listen to FM while driving through the city all day long. You don't have any targets to achieve or dead lines to meet and it was just all about sweeping through the roads taking pit stops at one bus adda or another.

Over the course of time I have picked up the slang of drivers who in the majority of cases are JAATs. With their peculiar tone they are witty to scold any one on the roads - "tanne laal batti na dikkhe hai ke?” -no matter even if they themselves were at fault.

With new buses on the roll, the job has got all the more attractive :P.

It is one of the craziest desires that I have since my college days.